Lies & Triggers & Bragging - Oh, My!

Please know that with this post, it is not my intention to call anyone out, hurt anyone's feelings, or critique anyone's blog. This is just something I do (or rather don't do) for me, and I wanted to get it off my chest.

There aren't really any numbers here on She's Going the Distance.

Running success is measured numerically - like any sport, really - and primarily with speed. The winner of any race has his or her net time noted, world records require the fastest time, and some races hold speed-related entrance criteria.

Then there's weekly mileage (number), races completed (number), years running (number)... you see my point.

I've noted some distances during my recent return to running from injury, and my Instagram has some Garmin/RunKeeper pics on it (but that one's going to stop).

"And why?" you ask. Comparison. And mostly comparison of myself to myself.

There are many times I want to post my race PRs and my training run stats. I honestly sometimes feel that if I had those numbers documented here, I'd be more respected as a runner and a blogger. I occasionally want to join you who have your personal bests written down the side of your home pages; I want to brag about numeric accomplishments of which I'm proud.

Then I'll have a bad (read: slow, read: THIS IS INJURY-IN-THE-MAKING THINKING) run and be thankful I don't because I wouldn't want to post it. But isn't that a lie of omission? Aren't bad (cough-slow) runs just as important as the good ones and deserved to be included? Runs have feelings, too.

Please know: I don't think being a fast runner is the one and only way to be a good runner... not one bit. This is my own being hard on myself stupid thinking. "Slow" and "fast" are so relative to each, they aren't catch-all words. Again, this is MK's voice to MK.

Also I'll see someone else discuss a faster run or a higher mileage week, and I'll be triggered to compare. I'll sometimes feel lesser and unworthy - and it's no one's doing but my own.

So I keep speeds off my blog. I'll most likely keep talking (briefly) about distances (I mean, I'm "going" it, aren't I?), but I don't want to include times.

Remember this feeling I talked about? That's how I want to differentiate a "good run" from a "bad run." As mentioned, only caring about speed got me hurt and set me out of the game for months. In an effort to remove this unrealistic importance, I'm attempting to refrain from making it an aspect on my blog. The time it takes to run a mile shouldn't determine if you had fun during that mile.

If you post your times, your goals, your bests, I'm so proud of you! I applaud your confidence and your success. I just don't think it's a good choice for me.

SORRY FOR THE LACK OF PICTURES! ;)

Bon Voyage!

Wish me luck!

Yesterday was my last day at my job and my last day in DC. Today I'll wait for the rush hour traffic to die down before making my drive south.

Oh, theBERRY, always giving me those giggles.

Yesterday was also my last physical therapy appointment, and now we wait to see if my new hip issue lessens without professional help... else, I start up another PT regimen.

Electrotherapy at its finest.

I am so incredibly hopeful that this new adventure brings about the happiest of happenings.

I hope I:

• Return to running (!!!)
• Continue to foam roll and stretch
• Get better at yoga

But I also hope I:

• Remember all that I've learned here
• Treat people nicely - I don't know their battles - I'm looking at you, crazy, screaming Metro passenger
• Branch out and try new things

I'm considering my trek a "drive of faith."  I'm not completely ready to depart, but I need to trust the timing of my life (another one of my favorites sayings). I left PT with a new injury that's not totally resolved. I am leaving DC without saying good bye to some folks. I didn't go to the top of the Washington Monument, I never toured the White House, and I didn't even see a celebrity... I know, my life is in shambles.

I am putting all of my trust into God. I am trusting Him to return me to the sport I love without my hand-holding therapist. I am trusting Him that the relationships built here will always be sources of fond memories. And I'm trusting Him that this path I'm forging now is where I need to be in this moment.

What are you dealing with on your "drive of faith?"

BODY IMAGE

Oy. Okay. This is a touchy subject, I know, and this has been sitting in my drafts for a while (a while? I've had this blog for like a week), but here goes the "publish."

Body image is big in media these days. Magazines, online articles, and commercials are ripping the issue to shreds.

We read all about THIS WORKOUT THAT WILL GIVE YOU THE MAX CALORIE BURN. And why do we care about calorie burn? To lose weight. Why do we want to lose weight? To look "better."

We also read all about LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE, CELLULITE AND ALL. Because who wants to constantly look at themselves in the mirror and hate what they see?

And then we see things like REAL WOMEN POSED FOR THIS AD, COME LOOK! So if you're not a string bean, you're real? So if you are a string bean, you're not real?

I have a question - a question that may get backlash, but I'm putting it out there - why do we read about anything at all? Why do we bother talking about women's bodies (or men's bodies... I'm looking at you, Dad Bod fad) at all? Why does it have to be a topic?

This blade of grass is greener. And that one is slightly bent. The one over there is more oval than rectangular. But does it matter? All the blades together make up a beautiful meadow, right? If they were all the same, wouldn't it be like walking over a toothbrush? Ew. (Also, this conversation is making me think of my first post).

I'm saying let's all just shut up. Yes, I know that by writing this post in the first place, I'm doing the opposite, but really, can we just stop? If we talk about beauty standards, then there will be beauty standards.

Let good looks be like Oprah's car giveaway.

"YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!"

Can I get an "Amen?"

Distance, but Not the Running Kind

Even though I was am (let's not get pessimistic, MK) a long distance runner, the title of my blog has another meaning.

I've been in a long distance relationship for the majority of 2 years and 4 months.

And by "majority," I don't mean 51%. I mean I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years of those 2 years and 4 months.

Us, right before those 2 years started. Now his beard is almost down to the same length as my hair in this picture. Can you say, "Duck Dynasty?"  

It started off as just a few hours apart. I moved to DC, he was in Virginia. Not bad, eh? Like basically the same thing. You ask people from Arlington where they're from, and they'll say DC. But he wasn't in Arlington... Okay, I digress.

Then he moved to Louisiana for a job. Longish flight, one hour time difference, we made it work... though not all the time.

Our hours are different. I wake up before the sun and sometimes even go to sleep before the sun. He was in New Orleans, so can you guess his hours?

Courtesy of DN Journal, here's a pic of Bourbon Street. Balconies close around 3am. Parties do not.

I despise talking on the phone (what a great trait to have while in an LDR!), so text/g-chat/email/Facebook are our prime modes of conversation.

Do you know how often texts can get misinterpreted? If I had a nickle for every time we got in I started a fight because I thought he was being sarcastic, I wouldn't have to pay for graduate school.

It was AWESOME to visit. I even ran a few races in LA! Unfortunately, we only saw each other about every other month, and it was killer.

Well, guess what!? He has moved again!

...to California. So like, actually across the country.

Crack open an end to a job, pour in a switch to graduate school, sprinkle your boyfriend moving even farther away into the mix, stir, and bake for an hour at 350 degrees. Serving size: one distraught MK.

I know that we'll still fight, and I know that we'll see each other less often. But then again, I'll be in school with holiday breaks and whatnot. It'll be interesting and hard, but we both know that it'll be worth it in the end.

Any LDR-ers?
Any advice?

Hello, Goodbye, Hello!

Sometimes I consider myself a little nomadic. I've lived in various places for short periods of time (read: internships), and my friend groups change often. I've always been okay with this. I get bored semi-easily, and I like to start new things and new routines. After undergrad graduation, I began a job in DC, and this is the longest I've been not only in one place for an extended amount of time (two years and no breaks like with college) but with the same friends.

Running around DC and the monuments is a great way to start a morning.

Well, that's all about to change.

I'm quitting my job in ten days and moving again to go get my Masters in Kinesiology with a concentration in Sport and Exercise Psychology! I'm so incredibly excited...

...but naturally, as with any move, this transition comes with a lot of uncertainties and insecurities.

Yes, as aforementioned, I've made friends multiple times before. I've adjusted to new places multiple times before. But also as aforementioned, this is the longest I haven't had to do any of that.

What if I've forgotten how?

What if cubicle life sucked the social butterfly out of me?

And on the what-if roll, what if I've forgotten how to study? How to be a student?

I could go on and on.

And it's funny, because these questions are similar to the questions with which I concern myself regarding my running ability. What if this injury has caused me to forget how to run? What if I won't be as good as I used to be?

Pause, MK. Breathe. No one comes out of the womb with the ability to run 26.2 miles, or even 1 for that matter. The process of building up endurance takes time, dedication, and heart. An injury only takes one from you and strengthens the others. But time is relative.

I'll be okay in grad school. It's a new adventure! I have to take it day by day, mile by mile. Adjustment will take time, dedication, and heart, but the adjustment will be made. Change isn't always easy. And there's no point thinking about the finish line before the gun goes off.

Doesn't Runner's World just get us all?

What big changes have you made recently?

The Hook

It doesn't matter what I say,

So long as I sing with inflection

That makes you feel I'll convey

Some inner truth or vast reflection.

But I've said nothing so far,

And I can keep it up for as long as it takes.

And it don't matter who you are.

If I'm doing my job, then it's your resolve that breaks

Because the hook brings you back.

-"Hook," Blues Traveler

One of my favorite songs, and I felt like it was fitting for my first blog installment. 

For some reason - well, not for some reason, for the reason that I am who I am - I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to come up with an awesome debut post; a hook, if you will. I want to come across funny, I want to come across witty, I want you to appreciate and agree with every single word I type.

Sounds a bit dictator-ish.

But I've read enough of the blog world to know that you won't always think I'm funny or witty, and you'll definitely not always agree with what I say. In fact, some of you will agree with so little that you'll leave comments telling me so.

And there lies the root of why it's taken me so long to actually create a blog myself and become part of this community that I know and love - insecurities.

A few months ago, I got rid of my Instagram because it wasn't making me feel very good. I'm a long distance runner, and I got hurt (that's a whole 'nother blog post comin' atcha soon...), and seeing the Insta-runners post their Garmin shots and split times made me feel, well, like shit.

I felt like an outcast, like I was kicked to the shunned curb of that golden sidewalk where I so longed to plod for miles and miles. I felt as if I was no longer a runner. 

That's when I lived vicariously through you all for a bit, reading up on your athletic adventures, and I wanted to become one of you, but insecurities held me back. Did I really have anything to say? What if my life is too boring? What if I said something wrong and upset someone? What if the comments are mean? What if I work out too much? What if I work out too little? What if someone thinks one of my healthy meals isn't healthy? What if, what if, what if...

*Side note: Someone is singing horribly on the balcony next to my apartment. It's really distracting when I'm trying to be all deep and stuff.

I wasn't sure if I had anything to add to this hashtag-fitness-life world. 

And then I thought about what a crap view that was and how wrong it is.

We all have something to add because we are all different. And that's the beauty of not thinking I'm funny or witty or agreeable. If that was the case all the time, we'd all be the same and would have no need for this community. We would have one blog to rule them all, one blog to find them... 

We all have different fitness paths and different training cycles. Sarah's chapter 7 of life shouldn't read the same as Jenny's. We have opinions, we all go through ups and downs, and we all choose to share what we choose to share.

So I'll ask you now...

What insecurities did you overcome with blogging?

What turned you to your blog?

DO YOU THINK I'M FUNNY AND WITTY!?

...yeah, don't answer that last one.

I get a ton (all) of my pictures from theBERRY.